Feeling like an intruder

From my field notes on another local event I attended (not Carapace), as I arrived at the venue:

It looked like all the lights were off. There were a few lights on stage. One of the performers was on the stage going through the motions of her story. It looked like the camera person was getting her lighting right to film. I followed an arrow to the bathroom. I couldn’t see to walk into the actual ladies room. I felt around for a switch and finally found it. The bathroom door was propped open and I walked to a stall. I thought I could hear someone outside ask where that light was coming from. Another person (an employee maybe?) explained that someone was in the bathroom. The woman said that whoever was in there would need to be fast. I was so nervous someone would come tell me to hurry up because of the light.

This is a real moment of physical discomfort and insecurity. We are at our most vulnerable in the bathroom, and I think many of us fear being bothered while in the bathroom in any way. Feeling rushed and as if you are inconveniencing someone else is also uncomfortable. I should say, it is possible that I misheard what was said since it was from outside the bathroom. I already felt a little like an invader since I turned on the light and changed the setting. Either way, I believed in that moment that my presence was an inconvenience, an intrusion. This was so different from my experience at Carapace and at other similar events I’ve attended. But perhaps, some of the people who don’t come to those events also mistake themselves for intruders.