Connection, distance, and vulnerability

From September 11 memos:

People might be willing to risk telling a vulnerable story because the audience members are strangers.

There's something about

that stranger-on-the-bus phenomenon

that I think people

do get up on that mic and

do it for that reason

because they don't know anybody and they

want some kind of connection.

But this isn’t always completely true. Joyce said that after telling her own story she got an email:

I didn't know who was in the audience.

I got an email from The Georgia Gardner.

She also had other people try to talk to her about the story and some of the hearers are now regulars, no longer strangers:

There were strangers who've

come up

and there are a few people who are regulars,

who are still here that remember it.

The “safety” of telling a story to strangers may not be as safe as it appears.

I’ve been wondering about the audience as strangers because, personally, even when I first started coming to Carapace, I knew others who had come with me: my mother, my husband. And I’ve had one experience where there was someone I didn’t know I knew in the audience - an acquaintance from high school who spoke to me after the show. It was very jarring. The audience isn’t always as “strange” as they appear.

Being vulnerable with strangers may feel safe because you can’t make as deep of a connection. You think, they don’t know me. I’ll never see them again. People can come to Carapace and have that experience. But many people become regulars and are no longer telling to strangers. This requires greater vulnerability. Although the stranger thing may provide some comfort and safety, these are not needed for many of the storytellers to risk being vulnerable.

It seems to me that a true connection between the teller and (at least some of) the listeners is desirable. But connecting with others is potentially uncomfortable and may even feel dangerous. Carapace provides ways to ease into that connection. There are options for maintaining a level of separation that feels comfortable. But you can also forego those safeties and attempt a true connection.